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Old 09-11-2009, 07:03 AM   #1
Eric Lester
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How to handle a domestic disturbance.

This morning I got up out of bed and went to the bathroom. I heard some banging. It continued. So after exiting the bathroom I went to my front door (I live in an 8 apt apartment building on the second floor, the entrance to each apt is an interior hallway) and my door was shaking as someone was violently beating on another door. I heard a voice yell "**** open the god ****ed door." I thought it was a male voice. Then I heard something like "Oh is that how we gonna do it then, *****?" This time it sounded like a female voice. I had just woken up so it is hard to say male/female and if there were more than one.

I considered going out there but I was in my underwear and didn't have my contacts in. I waited for a second and it continued, they were definitely trying to breakdown the door. I called the police then put on some clothes and my contacts. I went back to the door and I no longer heard anything. I waited around listening but never heard anything. I did not at anytime stick my head out and look around.

I don't even know if the police showed up. I never saw them. I had to shower and leave for work. As I was getting in my truck I saw some neighbors I am friends with and talked to them. It was apparently downstairs and they did successfully break the door down. I still don't know if the police ever showed up.

I feel very disturbed about this, like I should have done something. I'm not sure if it was cowardice, wisdom, or just not being equipped to know what to do in that situation. When I left my apartment there was a girl sitting on the staircase at the top of the stairs. She looked very sad, but composed. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was.

I don't know what I should have done. I am 5'7 165lbs. Despite 4 years of CrossFit I am not Superman. However, I can't help thinking that there are children that live in my building, and women of course. What if they broke down the door before the police got there? Maybe they did.

My guns are at my parents' house, but I am considering bringing one back to my apartment. I can't help thinking, however, that me walking out there with a gun into an unknown situation would have only escalated things. I know not to point a gun at someone unless you intend on shooting, and without knowing the situation it doesn't seem like the best idea.

I am sitting at work two hours later still feeling upset about this. I am hoping some LEO or someone that has dealt with these situations can give me advice on what to do next time.
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:05 AM   #2
Jason Scheffler
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

Hey when did you move to my neighborhood?

Basically I just call the police and lock up my house so they can't drag me and mine into it.
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:13 AM   #3
Christopher Delgado
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

I'm not in law enforcement but I have some friends that are. They have told me that domestic disturbances can be very volatile and they usually enter them with extreme caution. I think the best thing to do would've been to call the police. Trying to intervene on your own wouldve been a bad idea and trying to intervene with a gun wouldve probably been even worse. I'm all for having a gun in your place for your own protection.
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:16 AM   #4
Jamie J. Skibicki
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

If someones getting a beat down and you can stop it, you should.
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:19 AM   #5
Robert D Taylor Jr
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eric Lester View Post
This morning I got up out of bed and went to the bathroom. I heard some banging. It continued. So after exiting the bathroom I went to my front door (I live in an 8 apt apartment building on the second floor, the entrance to each apt is an interior hallway) and my door was shaking as someone was violently beating on another door. I heard a voice yell "**** open the god ****ed door." I thought it was a male voice. Then I heard something like "Oh is that how we gonna do it then, *****?" This time it sounded like a female voice. I had just woken up so it is hard to say male/female and if there were more than one.

I considered going out there but I was in my underwear and didn't have my contacts in. I waited for a second and it continued, they were definitely trying to breakdown the door. I called the police then put on some clothes and my contacts. I went back to the door and I no longer heard anything. I waited around listening but never heard anything. I did not at anytime stick my head out and look around.

I don't even know if the police showed up. I never saw them. I had to shower and leave for work. As I was getting in my truck I saw some neighbors I am friends with and talked to them. It was apparently downstairs and they did successfully break the door down. I still don't know if the police ever showed up.

I feel very disturbed about this, like I should have done something. I'm not sure if it was cowardice, wisdom, or just not being equipped to know what to do in that situation. When I left my apartment there was a girl sitting on the staircase at the top of the stairs. She looked very sad, but composed. I asked her if she was okay and she said she was.

I don't know what I should have done. I am 5'7 165lbs. Despite 4 years of CrossFit I am not Superman. However, I can't help thinking that there are children that live in my building, and women of course. What if they broke down the door before the police got there? Maybe they did.

My guns are at my parents' house, but I am considering bringing one back to my apartment. I can't help thinking, however, that me walking out there with a gun into an unknown situation would have only escalated things. I know not to point a gun at someone unless you intend on shooting, and without knowing the situation it doesn't seem like the best idea.

I am sitting at work two hours later still feeling upset about this. I am hoping some LEO or someone that has dealt with these situations can give me advice on what to do next time.

I bet most of the LEO would say you did the best thing you could. I'm not LEO, but I'd like to think I'm a sheepdog, in that circumstance, without any follow on info, your response would've been mine. You DID something, I don't know what your profession is, but a cop probably couldn't do it, so he would come to you. If you had heard follow on noise and someone screwaming for help, it sounds like you would've done more. As it is, you made a responsible, rational decision to get involved at an appropriate level, pat yourseflf on the back, you did well.
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Old 09-11-2009, 07:31 AM   #6
Owen Bird
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

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Originally Posted by Jamie J. Skibicki View Post
If someones getting a beat down and you can stop it, you should.
Timeley thread, I got my *** kicked last week for doing just this. No good deed goes unpunished. Got a pat on the back from dad when I came home and explained the broken nose though.
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Old 09-11-2009, 08:03 AM   #7
Carlos Cristan
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

That's unfortunate, but look at it this way if someone was angry enough to beat on you what would they have done to someone else less capable of defending themselves; a woman, a child. How far might it have escalated if you hadn't gotten involved. I know that these are very easily the most dangerous situations that most common citizens may encounter and far too often we hear about someone losing their life over it, but the indifference of most people is really disturbing. Do something, anything even if it is just calling the police. It shouldn't be any surprise most people wouldn't do that.
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Old 09-11-2009, 08:15 AM   #8
Eric Lester
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

I live in a small town in Kentucky. When I called the police it made me think about what people in more dangerous cities must go through when they overhear something like this. I can't imagine having to make a decision about whether or not to interfere when gang reprisal or something of that nature would be a real threat.
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Old 09-11-2009, 08:26 AM   #9
Renee Lee
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

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Originally Posted by Eric Lester View Post
I live in a small town in Kentucky. When I called the police it made me think about what people in more dangerous cities must go through when they overhear something like this. I can't imagine having to make a decision about whether or not to interfere when gang reprisal or something of that nature would be a real threat.
people in big cities ignore it unless it's directly effecting/threatening them...

i'm constantly appalled when i stay with friends in inner city boston and they comment about gunshots like it's nothing.
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Old 09-11-2009, 08:28 AM   #10
Travis Loest
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Re: How to handle a domestic disturbance.

You did the right thing, adding a gun to the mix would have made a volatile situation explode. My daughter is a police officer, and she'll talk to me about the stuff she goes on call for, domestics are by far one of the things she said are "unpredictable". If you get a chance talk to the police, ask them what you should do. Don't make it a "what if" conversation. Law is fairly black and right, leave it up to lawyers to deal with the grey. Ultimately if you are a good person with decent morals, as defined by society, you can make an acceptable decision as long as you keep your head.
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