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Old 07-16-2009, 12:26 PM   #11
Joe C Thomas
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeffrey Crawford View Post
I'm ****ing this monkey, your just holding the tail.
Nice! That's a personal fav!

After throwing up at football practice during sprints, the wonderful Wide Receiver coach, leans over and says, in the nicest way,

"Aight, now put your big girl panties on, and get back to work." Slaps me on the butt and blows the whistle for another 40.
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Old 07-16-2009, 01:39 PM   #12
Lee Sybert
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

One time I was traveling with the coaches of my highschool football team. We were going to scout a team and we stopped at some fast food place on the way. In the middle of the meal the head coach begans to explain why our team was pretty crappy. "Aight guys, this french fry is our O line and this ketchup packet is our QB. See, we hike the ball and the ketchup packet drops back. Then our french fry gets smashed by the other teams bigger french fry. (At this point he breaks our french fry.) Aight, this is were we get in trouble cause their french fry breaks out QB. (Coach then slammed his fist into the kecthup packet and splattered it all over the wall.) Our QB can't do anything if he is spilling himself on the wall and that's why we need a bigger french fry. Let's move before someone blames that stain on me.
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Last edited by Lee Sybert : 07-16-2009 at 01:41 PM. Reason: Edited for spielling
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Old 07-16-2009, 02:05 PM   #13
Ben Sparks
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

An ex-NFL guy is the strength & conditioning & freshman football coach of a bunch of the same kids I coach lacrosse to. He's a good guy, anyone would know who he is - played something like 16 straight seasons without missing a single game at middle linebacker. Was in the media a lot and his nickname rhymes with Slo-mo.

A lot of what he says is football coach cliche:

"I want 11 swingin' di--s flyin' to the ball"

"B-----: Coach, i think i broke my wrist!
Coach: I played 16 years and a super bowl with a broken wrist, put a cast on that thing and get back out there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"You cant get a concussion if you don't have a brain"

But he has a couple gems which are funny, and when you think about them, true.

"It doesn't take any talent to work hard."

"If it feels too heavy, put more on."

"Don't take weight off the bar until you're done working out."
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:02 PM   #14
Jason Scheffler
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

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Originally Posted by Brian Bedell View Post
My HS football coach once told me that I needed to be lined up a c-word hair to the left. Interesting.

As a former carpenter I heard and used that one a lot.
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:16 PM   #15
Stephen Mannino
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

I once worked at a prestigious academic college and this was a conversation that occurred:

Coach: "You couldn't run a 4.4 if you you were free-falling with a brick tied to your waist!"

Athlete response: "But Coach what does the brick have to do with it, gravity affects everything at the same rate 9.81 meters per second squared."
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Old 07-16-2009, 03:45 PM   #16
Scott Drellishak
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephen Mannino View Post
I once worked at a prestigious academic college and this was a conversation that occurred:

Coach: "You couldn't run a 4.4 if you you were free-falling with a brick tied to your waist!"

Athlete response: "But Coach what does the brick have to do with it, gravity affects everything at the same rate 9.81 meters per second squared."
Coach: You must be here on a sports-only scholarship, dumba**, because you're neglecting air resistance. You think a feather falls as fast as rock? Now RUN FASTER or I'll send you back to community college where you belong.
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:06 PM   #17
Justin Shipley
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

Football coach to exhausted teen who flopped down to the ground after sprints-
"GEDDUP! Whaddya, siddown to p*ss as well?"
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:29 PM   #18
Brian Bedell
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

Oh, oh I just remembered a gem. Every team has one of those guys who is not really very athletic or big or strong or whatever, but really plays or practices his heart out, like Rudy from that movie. Anyway, we had one of those on our team named Rob, and one day Coach yells "If I had 11 guys with heart like Rob I'd win the &*(^% championship!"

My friend leaned over real quiet and whispered in my ear "he doesn't even play the one he has." Classic
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Old 07-16-2009, 04:45 PM   #19
Juli Peterson
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

My daughter is a H.S. hockey goalie and has, on occasion during summer ice, puked after extended sprints while trying to beat the other players who aren't wearing 25 extra pounds of gear. When she started getting sick once, she sprinted to the bench and let'r rip.

The summer coach came flying over and screamed, "Gawd-dam*it Floeder I told you to F**k'n puke on the ice so we can shovel it up faster!" It was hilarious!

She also made mama proud by taking a sip of water and kicking arse the rest of the practice.
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Old 07-16-2009, 09:00 PM   #20
Brian Wahl
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Re: Best Coach/Trainer Sayings!

I played football in college for a hilarious head coach. Most of what he said wasn't that funny if you'd just write it out - it was the context in which he'd say things or the facial expressions he would make.

Anyway, here are a few gems...

(talking about the opposing team, and in all seriousness...)
Quote:
"They're just a bunch of turds. And what do you do with a turd?"
(pauses and looks around for one of us to answer, while we're trying to figure out if he's joking or serious - then he says...)
Quote:
"YOU FLUSH IT!!"
------------------------------

Once we had a few players get into a street fight after a game and charges were pressed. Coach was in the middle of really letting is have it - I mean just going off yelling at us, chewing us out. Somewhere along the way he says this...
Quote:
"You wake up every morning with a b@ner and think nothing bad is ever going to happen to you"
I look over at our defensive coordinator and the guy's face is bright red and his whole body is shaking as he's trying not to bust out laughing.

------------------------------

I played 4 years in college, then came back as a 5th year student and was a student coach. Once at a coach's meeting somebody brought in a carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Of course that thing was gone in about 3 minutes. Our head coach (same guy as above) looks around the room, looks at the empty cake pan, then puffs out his chest and says
Quote:
Time to make one more lap around this pan!
and proceeds to run his finger around the entire inside of the pan, collecting all of the frosting that was left behind. Guess you just had to be there - the way he said it was pretty hilarious.

------------------------------

My sophomore year in college we were terrible, and we had a lot of injuries. I was playing middle linebacker, and most of our linebackers were not suited up for this particular game. They ran the ball up the middle about 5 times in a row, and each time I either missed the tackle or got blocked or something - I think they had like 4 first down in about 5 plays. I look over to the sideline to get the defense, and the defensive coordinator yells
Quote:
Wahl, if you had an f'ing backup you'd be standing over here with me!
My response: "Great, I guess we'll line up in 4-3." Not what you want to hear from your DC.

------------------------------

My dad was our defensive coordinator (football) in high school. Our linebacker coach is showing us a tackling drill - something about how we are supposed to position our head to the side a bit to avoid injury or something. My dad is standing by me, turns to me and says
Quote:
True hitters hit with their face
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Last edited by Brian Wahl : 07-16-2009 at 09:03 PM.
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