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Old 12-12-2013, 07:03 AM   #11
Mike Doehla
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Re: CF and relationships

I know nothing about your relationship but from the outside looking in I imagine a really lazy unmotivated guy. I could be completely wrong but the lack on interest he's showing you regarding this new hobby is kind of a wake up call. It's weird giving relationship advice when I know nothing about you two but this is more of an issue than him not liking CF. This is about him being selfish. Address it now before it gets too serious, the problem and the relationship. Something tells me he was not like this in the beginning and is comfortable which is why he's not "trying". You need to really talk to him about it. Either way, if you love something like this that isn't a bad thing like gambling, going out drinking, partying, then do it. If he truly loves you he'll accept it and be supportive. If he doesn't he's kind of a jerk. Sorry to be so blunt.

Last edited by Mike Doehla : 12-12-2013 at 07:13 AM.
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Old 12-12-2013, 08:14 AM   #12
John Holcombe
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Re: CF and relationships

It seems like he is just threatened because you found a hobby that you love which is also getting you into better shape and putting you around a social group (other guys) of like minded people. It's definitely not a good sign that he wanted you to stop going to your gym.. I would never deal with that crap. Maybe you should try offering to buy him a month membership for Christmas or something... I feel like if you got him to try it out and he started to have fun and see what was going on in the gym and making friends he would start to be cooler about it?
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Old 12-12-2013, 08:30 AM   #13
Paul Glezer
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Re: CF and relationships

Managing any hobby and a relationship takes work from both sides. It can be more difficult if you started a relationship with the old pre-CF version of youself and then found CrossFit. I went though this with my wife. We were together 8 years and married for 3 at the point i started CrossFit, went paleo, and just got better in general. It was def a strain on our relationship but at the same time she was supportive. I made it clear that i needed to do it for myself, to be healthier for us and our future kids, and for my sanity considering my stressful job.

The key is making it clear that I was not picking CrossFit over her for that time of the day. I was picking my health.

We have since had kids (identical twin boys) and that has def made it more difficult but she has been supportive throughout. We put a garage gym together to help me get a quick WOD in on weekends to help maximize time with family.

The key of all this is making it clear that you need it, and that you like it. It is on your partner to be supportive, because that is their job. This obviously goes both ways. For me, if my partner was not supportive i would really need to reconsider my partner decision.

In reality I think its important to understand what about you doint CF strikes a nerve for him. Time away for the sake that he is bored, jealousy of your new fitness/attractivness, new friends, intimidation, whatever it is, get to the bottom of it and make a call.

Good luck.
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Old 12-12-2013, 08:32 AM   #14
Paul Glezer
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Re: CF and relationships

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Originally Posted by Mike Doehla View Post
Address it now before it gets too serious, the problem and the relationship......If he truly loves you he'll accept it and be supportive. If he doesn't he's kind of a jerk. Sorry to be so blunt.
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Old 12-12-2013, 10:22 AM   #15
Christopher Morris
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Re: CF and relationships

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Originally Posted by Amanda Rappuhn View Post
I agreed to not go to a cf box because it was putting a strain on the relationship so I started doing as much at home as I could. Then I go to a globo gym (Lifetime) and while they are very encouraging about lifting and these types of movements it definitely is nothing like my box.
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Originally Posted by John Holcombe View Post
It seems like he is just threatened because you found a hobby that you love which is also getting you into better shape and putting you around a social group (other guys) of like minded people. It's definitely not a good sign that he wanted you to stop going to your gym.
I don't understand why going to Lifetime would be okay while the CrossFit box would not, unless John guessed it: your boyfriend may be insecure about the community strength of CrossFit. It should be, "I'm going to the gym. See you in an hour," and be irrelevant if it's Lifetime or a CrossFit box. If you like the CrossFit box better, fine.

As I read on in the thread, however, it seems that nutrition discussions are more of a sticking point in the relationship. Maybe he's bothered because you talk about it too much, and he's just not interested in changing the way he eats.

So my question is - how much can you enjoy your lifestyle without talking about it? If it's important to you, and you're satisfied within yourself, is that enough? Or is it also important to have someone with whom you can talk about it? Beyond that, is it important for them to participate in nutritional changes? It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't even want to talk about it, let alone make changes.

You can make peace in the home if, for example, your meal is something like chicken, vegetables, and rice. If you want to go Paleo, don't eat the rice. Just eat the chicken and vegetables. He wants ice cream after dinner. You can have fruit instead. That doesn't have to be a point of discussion or argument, you each just choose to eat what you want, and share common foods that you can agree on.
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Old 12-12-2013, 11:09 AM   #16
Mike Doehla
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Re: CF and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Christopher Morris View Post
I don't understand why going to Lifetime would be okay while the CrossFit box would not, unless John guessed it: your boyfriend may be insecure about the community strength of CrossFit. It should be, "I'm going to the gym. See you in an hour," and be irrelevant if it's Lifetime or a CrossFit box. If you like the CrossFit box better, fine.

As I read on in the thread, however, it seems that nutrition discussions are more of a sticking point in the relationship. Maybe he's bothered because you talk about it too much, and he's just not interested in changing the way he eats.

So my question is - how much can you enjoy your lifestyle without talking about it? If it's important to you, and you're satisfied within yourself, is that enough? Or is it also important to have someone with whom you can talk about it? Beyond that, is it important for them to participate in nutritional changes? It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't even want to talk about it, let alone make changes.

You can make peace in the home if, for example, your meal is something like chicken, vegetables, and rice. If you want to go Paleo, don't eat the rice. Just eat the chicken and vegetables. He wants ice cream after dinner. You can have fruit instead. That doesn't have to be a point of discussion or argument, you each just choose to eat what you want, and share common foods that you can agree on.
has to be it. Regular gyms don't have the closeness of the cf gyms. He's def worried.
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Old 12-12-2013, 11:36 AM   #17
John Drohan
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Re: CF and relationships

Without sounding too campy, Crossfit has changed you. It's not a crime, it happens a lot, even to people who don't want to change. However, it seems as though your relationship has not changed. It will need to of course; in order for it to grow as you grow.

I married my wife knowing that we'd both change as people over the course of our marriage. We could either change together or change apart. Luckily it's been the former over the past 17 years.
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Old 12-12-2013, 11:40 AM   #18
Jeff Enge
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Re: CF and relationships

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Originally Posted by John Drohan View Post
Without sounding too campy, Crossfit has changed you. It's not a crime, it happens a lot, even to people who don't want to change. However, it seems as though your relationship has not changed. It will need to of course; in order for it to grow as you grow.

I married my wife knowing that we'd both change as people over the course of our marriage. We could either change together or change apart. Luckily it's been the former over the past 17 years.
In general, this is exactly it. Change happens.

But this also applies to your hobbies too. You may not always want to be paleo, or do CF.

You don't give up a 4-year relationship for a fitness regimen and a diet unless there's something underlying going on.
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:29 PM   #19
Andrew Bell
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Re: CF and relationships

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Originally Posted by Jeff Enge View Post
In general, this is exactly it. Change happens.

But this also applies to your hobbies too. You may not always want to be paleo, or do CF.

You don't give up a 4-year relationship for a fitness regimen and a diet unless there's something underlying going on.
Nailed it.

1) He IS threatened by a bunch of hot crossfit guys (because all the ones one mainsite, and ESPN are super hot).
2) It simply isn't something he is interested in doing, which is fine. He doesn't have to be.
3) He should support you no matter what, but, being a man, see #1.
4) You shouldn't want to change him, just as he shouldn't be trying to change you.
5) The breakup (should it get to that point) shouldn't be about Crossfit.
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Old 12-12-2013, 02:35 PM   #20
Kristin Bowers
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Re: CF and relationships

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Originally Posted by Andrew Bell View Post
Nailed it.

1) He IS threatened by a bunch of hot crossfit guys (because all the ones one mainsite, and ESPN are super hot).
2) It simply isn't something he is interested in doing, which is fine. He doesn't have to be.
3) He should support you no matter what, but, being a man, see #1.
4) You shouldn't want to change him, just as he shouldn't be trying to change you.
5) The breakup (should it get to that point) shouldn't be about Crossfit.
The break up would be about number 3 if this was my situation!
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