CrossFit Discussion Board  

Go Back   CrossFit Discussion Board > Community > Stuff and Nonsense
CrossFit Home Forum Site Rules CrossFit FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Stuff and Nonsense For off-topic chatter. Keep it PG-13; no sex, politics or religion!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-20-2012, 09:45 AM   #11
Brad Allen Jones
Banned Brad Allen Jones is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Muskegon  MI
Posts: 4,706
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 11:53 AM   #12
Phil Griffin
Member Phil Griffin is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Spring Grove  MN
Posts: 155
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

You know why Santa Claus is always so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls are.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 01:29 PM   #13
SP
******
 
Profile:  
Posts: n/a
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

My new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 08:12 PM   #14
Blair Robert Lowe
Member Blair Robert Lowe is offline
 
Blair Robert Lowe's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Sacramento  CA
Posts: 7,948
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Wow, I really like that Santa Claus one.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 08:14 PM   #15
Brad Allen Jones
Banned Brad Allen Jones is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Muskegon  MI
Posts: 4,706
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

These are some of the worst jokes I've ever read haha, including my own.

Here are some JFWodFather.com, he's pretty funny.

If you proudly show off your skinned knees and don't care that it makes you look like a (expletive).....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you roll out of bed in the morning, realize that you can't walk, and it makes you happy.....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you show off the rips in your palms to people just to make them cringe.....you might be a CrossFitter
When the time you spend laying on the floor after the WOD takes longer than the WOD itself.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you get an urgent need to pee exactly ten seconds before the WOD starts.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you have ever had enough tape on your hands to hold a bad marriage together.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you have ever rolled around on a foam roller while saying "Who's your daddy?"....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you own five different tubs of protein powder and hate the taste of them all.....you might be a CrossFitter
When you can't fix a leaky faucet but you can tape two lacrosse balls together like a boss.....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you make your kids do "penalty burpees" for not cleaning their room.....you might be a CrossFitter
If you have ever screamed after using hand sanitizer.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you have ever texted someone a picture of the WOD times so they know you kicked their a$$.....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you don't know who your congressman is but you know Rich Froning's "Fran" time.....you might be a CrossFitter.
Once you puke more than a 16 yr old girl with bulimia.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you can't say "Fran" without also saying "I hate that B****!"....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you refer to dating fat people as "RXing".....you might be a CrossFitter.
If when you have $ex you get excited that you finished first then bump knuckles and say "Good work!"....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you take a nap you refer to it a 3 rounds of pillow hugs for time...
You complain about prices at Target but will gladly pay $60 for a tank top at Lululemon...
If you've ever shouted "No Rep!" during $ex...you might be a CrossFitter.

Some are better than others, but they're all relevant and probably true...

Last edited by Brad Allen Jones; 11-20-2012 at 08:14 PM.. Reason: some bad language I missed
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 08:26 PM   #16
David Meverden
Member David Meverden is offline
 
David Meverden's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Charleston  SC
Posts: 2,802
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik Nichols View Post
One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.


(I was in the Navy)
I'm stealing this one! (I work with a bunch of navy guys).

I also like the Thesaurus one.
__________________
CERTIFICATIONS: CSCS, CrossFit LVL 1
SEMINARS: Starting Strength, Ultimate Advantage, CFE, CF O-lifting, MovNat
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 08:45 PM   #17
Milton Brisson
Member Milton Brisson is offline
 
Milton Brisson's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Calgary  AB Canada
Posts: 3,180
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik Nichols View Post
Right! In canada it would be moose. Makes me kind of glad to be in texas. We get deer, but not to much where I'm at.
I'll you what, when moose get on the road, you stop! Car vs. moose, even pick-up vs. moose. Moose wins that one! EVERY. TIME.
__________________
M/old/tall/heavy - Old Log
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 08:46 PM   #18
Milton Brisson
Member Milton Brisson is offline
 
Milton Brisson's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Calgary  AB Canada
Posts: 3,180
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brad Allen Jones View Post
You threadjacked your own thread?!
Just kidding, awesome video!

Here's one, though:

So a moth walks into a podiatrist's office.

Podiatrist: Whatís the problem?

Moth: Whatís the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Linovich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc I donít even know what Iím doing anymore. I donít even know if Gregory Linovich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But, I donít know. I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and thereÖ

Podiatrist: Oh yeah?

Moth: Yes. At night I sometimes wake up, and I turn to some old lady in my bed thatís on my arm; a lady I once loved, doc. I donít know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexandria; she fell in the cold of last year. The cold took her down as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc, my other boy, Gregaro Ivinolitanovitch; I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes all I see is the same cowardice that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only the cowardice was stronger, then perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all. Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though Iím a moth, just barely hanging onto my web of everlasting fire underneath me. Iím not feeling good.

Podiatrist: Moth, man, youíre trouble. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?

Moth: ĎCuz the light was on.
Best shaggy dog story EVER!!!!!! Thanks for sharing!
__________________
M/old/tall/heavy - Old Log
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 08:48 PM   #19
Milton Brisson
Member Milton Brisson is offline
 
Milton Brisson's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Calgary  AB Canada
Posts: 3,180
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Struan Potter View Post
My new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible.
Nice!!!!!

I hate being bi-polar! Its awesome!!!!
__________________
M/old/tall/heavy - Old Log
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 10:01 PM   #20
Blair Robert Lowe
Member Blair Robert Lowe is offline
 
Blair Robert Lowe's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Sacramento  CA
Posts: 7,948
Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

None of those CF jokes are really funny...at all. Mildy but barely worth an honorable mention.

keep trying.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Come in for a laugh !!! Not WFS Jeff Wadholm Fitness 1 05-17-2010 01:32 PM
This is no freakin' joke... Andy Poquette Starting 9 08-31-2008 09:37 AM
Help with W/F safe joke Alain Latour Stuff and Nonsense 5 04-11-2008 08:52 AM
Cop joke Donald Woodson Community 1 03-15-2005 10:54 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:31 PM.


CrossFit is a registered trademark of CrossFit Inc.