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Old 07-22-2005, 04:29 PM   #231
Dan Silver
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In an effort to appease the moderators I have decided to bash myself:

Story #1- My Jiu-Jitsu buddy and all around friend, Vern, came into class one day, last year. He had a worried look on his face and seemed depressed to me. Me being the sensitive guy who always knows the right thing to say, in order to preserve my friend's feelings, states the following:

"What's up, bro? You look sick?"

Now, I thought that was the nice way to ask my friend why he appeared so distraught. As it turned out, two hours before class Vern had been diagnosed with testicular cancer. My comment did not help his mood. That was a pretty foul-tasting foot.

This story does have a happy ending though. Vern beat the cancer and returned to class stronger, faster, and hungrier than I'd ever seen him. Cancer made him stronger. I think he's a mutant.

Story #2- My buddy Jake, John and I moved to SF right out of high-school. In hindsight I have no idea why but that's neither here nor there in relation to this story.

After living in SF for about six months the "dry spell" we were all experiencing seemed to be coming to an end. John worked with a cute girl who happened to be living with two cute friends. After some infantile attempts at flirtation, John managed to talk the three of them into hanging out with the three of us. A triple date, always a good idea.

We were to meet at a local coffee place in the Castro (neutral territory for straight people). The three of us guys dressed up nice and went to said coffee place. We waited there for about three hours before the reality set in that we had been triple-served, triple-set up and triple-stood up.

The depression rapidly turned to anger which, in my case, usually leads to trouble. Using a collection of condiments and dirt I was able to write the following on the exterior window of the coffee shop.

"Thanks for standing us up (names of girls), we were here, where were you? The nerve, the nerve."

We then left.

A few days later we learned that the girls had "mistaken" the time we were supposed to meet and wound up arriving at the coffee shop just after we had left. They did not comment on the writing we (okay, I) had left.

One day Jake and I went over to their apartment, as we were stubborn and bored. Once there Jake turned on the charm and the girls were digging him. I, however, acted like a complete *** (suprise!). Jake was growing quite frustrated with my musings as I was seriously cramping his style. When the girls left the room he asked me what was up and told me to stop acting like a jerk. I told him I'd try my best and we waited for the girls to come back. As we waited I noticed a hand-written note next to their phone, stating the following:

"Jake and Dan called. They're coming over later. THE NERVE, THE NERVE!"

I grabbed the note. When the girls returned I staged an inquisition as to what the note meant. It involved me jumping onto their table and doing my best dictator impression.

It didn't go well. Never saw them again and the "dry-spell" continued for many moons.


-D.
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Old 07-22-2005, 07:37 PM   #232
Eric Moffit
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hey, man...you stuck it out there. they just werent diggin it. i know the feeling. in retrospect its probably best to start off with some real craziness just to see how she handles it...i mean, its gonna happen sooner or later, might as well be my introduction.

'i see you're drinking 1%. is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'cause you're not. you could be drinking whole if you wanted to.'
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Old 07-22-2005, 09:16 PM   #233
Jonathan Kessler
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Lynne,
I appreciate your stepping in to stop political comments.
Curious as to why you singled Scott out, as a few others were also posting politically.
Is it OK to bash democrats but not republicans?
JK
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Old 07-22-2005, 10:06 PM   #234
Dan Silver
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Dammit people, I'm spilling my guts out to save this thread and we're all hung up on Donkeys and Elephants.

Killing me.

-D.
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Old 07-23-2005, 04:17 AM   #235
Lynne Pitts
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JK,
That's a completely illogical conclusion; and exactly why we aren't going down the political rabbit trail.

If you'll read the posts right above Scott's you'll notice that the bashing was "equal opportunity bashing." That is cool. Singling out one candidate/party/commander in chief in an incredibly inflammatory way is not cool. You know it's bad when it's too off topic for Dan.
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Old 07-23-2005, 04:41 AM   #236
Barry Cooper
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OK, back on topic:

http://www.snopes.com/crime/dumdum/911.asp

http://www.snopes.com/crime/dumdum/gunshop.asp

http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/mrsbrown.asp

Snopes is good for hours of amusement, looking for the True stories.

BTW, I don't think it would be too controversial to point out that Dan Quayle has his own museum: http://www.quaylemuseum.org/ . I pass through there from time to time, but have not yet had a chance to visit. I will though. I love museums.
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Old 07-23-2005, 11:03 AM   #237
David Wood
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Regarding meth: the current (August 2005) issue of Esquire magazine has an amazing set of photos (page 109).

A Portland, Oregon LEO collected mug shots of methedrine addicts as, then went back and found earlier mug shots of the same people (before they were addicts). Before and after is stunning, and scary.
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Old 07-23-2005, 02:39 PM   #238
Dan Silver
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Barry- That Mrs. James Brown story is the greatest thing I've ever read.

Dave- Tweakers are always entertaining, if nothing else.

-D.
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Old 07-25-2005, 11:36 AM   #239
Ron Nelson
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Did I read some of the above posts correctly?

Also on topic: Tweekers
I remembered a story told to me by an OC sheriff about how he duped a tweker into confessing he was "holding" while awaiting his prelim. The sheriff (at the time he was a bailiff in the courthouse) was off-duty and had come to the courthouse for some reason, but he was in civis and looked a little rough. While waiting for the courtroom to open, he spotted an obvious tweeker sitting restlessly in the hall.
He decides to play with the guy to see just how stupid he is. So, he goes over, strikes up a conversation, and starts scratching at his forearm where he actually had an existing sore (you all know how those tweekers love to scratch at the "bugs" on their arms!).
So, the tweeker is totally buying the fact that this 6 foot tall, muscular dood is one his kind and starts talking. The sheriff asks him if he's holding right now and the tweeker says, "yeah, you want to buy?" The sheriff just tells him he'd like to wait until after his prelim and then maybe.
The courtroom opens, the sheriff goes over to the bailiff and tells him the tweeker is holding; bailiff searches, finds the meth, away he goes.
Yeah, tweekers are fun.
Can't wait until I start practicing crim law to take their money. Sheesh!
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Old 07-25-2005, 11:57 AM   #240
Scott Kustes
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Lynne, wasn't intended to be president specific. He's just the only one I've been old enough to pay attention to (I was in high school for the previous one). Many (most) politicians are free game for my cynicism.

Dan - keep telling stories. They're far more entertaining than political commentary.
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