The "Criminals Are Schmucks" Thread... - Page 13

Larry Lindenman · 06-10-2005, 02:30 PM

I was working a threat to the governer case in a small town. Picked up the drunk A$$h#$% with my team and brought him to the local PD. Got a written confession and felony approval, everything WAS going great. Moved the guy from the interview room to the "booking room" . Had a bare bench, observation window, thick steel locking door, locals said it was secure (you know where this is going). I assign the new guy to watch him. New guy decides he wants to ask me a question so he re-assigns watcher duty to a guy who's calling his wife. Guy who's calling his wife runs into the back room and asks "where does the back door in the booking room lead to?" Well it led to a indoor shooting range...and another door in the shooting range lead to freedom. I now have a 55 year old, handcuffed behind his back, threat to the Governer dude running around this small town, at night! We run around and can't find him. Call it out on the radio (wincing), get the dogs. Dog leads a team through the town, spooks an old guy who pulls a gun from his car trunk and shoots his car by accident, dog comes 4" from biting the guys gonads off. Search continues, dogs jumping fences, running through streams, gets excited and lunges at the police chief's groin, and nicks his balls (at least his aim is consistant)...chief is screaming and hopping around holding onto his bleeding assets. Cops start to wonder how a 55 YO handcuffed dude is completing an orienteering course, jumping fences and running hither and yon, inthe dark. I interview the wife and she tells me she's suprised he threatened the governer because he likes him...the only people he's ever threatened is her, the kids, and himself. She then looks at me and asks if we checked under the bridges, cause he may have jumped! (my career and freedom flashes through my head and I see a picture in my head of this guy half submerged in mud and water, hands behind his back, with handcuffs, with the initials "LL" scratched in them). As the sun is rising a rumpled looking, cold, dumb ***, with hands handcuffed behind his back walks down the middle of Main street. Needless to say, about 10 cops come running out of the station and start screaming at him, well first they tackled him, then mounted him, than started screaming, media prevented a tune-up. He looks at them and says "what!" Got charged with threat to a public official and escape, got sentenced to 5 years...I got a case opened on me and a letter of repremand (my team, my fault). Memories.

Peter Galloway · 06-10-2005, 03:28 PM

"At least his aim is consistent"

Great line!

Don Woodson · 06-13-2005, 04:53 AM

Funny story Larry! In retrospect of course.
At least he was cuffed. If that small town is anything like Grafton, most folks still leave their keys in their cars.

"What!"....I love it.

Graham Tidey · 06-13-2005, 08:55 AM

Well played larry!

Dan Silver · 06-13-2005, 01:35 PM

I've had one handcuffed prisoner run from me, ever. The moment of shock exchanged between partners, as the suspect makes for freedom, is the biggest hindrance to apprehension.

Luckily, it's pretty easy after you catch them.

-D.

Ron Nelson · 06-13-2005, 02:43 PM

". . .Media prevented the tune-up."
In So Cal, that's the opportunity for a close up!

. . .it's fun to stay at the Y. . . .

Larry Lindenman · 06-14-2005, 11:12 AM

If we were in So Cal, we would have surrounded him and opened fire, friendly fire shmendly fire. I bet we'd have hit him at least once or twice. But, sadly, we were in Illinois.

Daniel Overvoll · 06-14-2005, 11:22 AM

NY cops like to party but, Cali cops go clubbing...

bill fox · 06-14-2005, 11:30 AM

At todays sentencing the defendants girlfriend spoke on his behalf

" We have 3 childrens between 3 and 9 years old and we're getting ready to get married"

Nice

Eugene R. Allen · 06-14-2005, 10:06 PM

I worked for the Riverside, California Sheriff's Department for a couple years before I came up here to Washington. Down there you were stuck in the jail for a couple years before you went out to the road. I collected jail kites that said the most astounding things in the most illiterate ways you can imagine. Here are a few paraphrased from memory:

"Bofe my feets be hurtin. Spedily my leff foots."

"I hab smotchit crits." (Stomach cramps).

"I need a box to put my thinks in."

"I know you don be workin out Allen as po as you is."

Sometimes though the schmuck brings to mind a slight sense of sorrow at his condition. We had a SWAT callout tonight...I'm still in my nomex duds as I write what I promise myself is my last post for the night. Vietnam vet in a trailer park has been cranking off rounds from his trailer for the last three days with a 30.06. He calls a cable company of all people to tell his woes and lets them know he wants to kill himself, that he has slashed his wrists and that he will kill any cop he sees come to his place. Welfare check. (That call and runaway pickup always make me chuckle). Anyway, the guys that show up are just about to his place when he cranks off a round from a handgun. They withdraw, more units show up for containment and the team gets called out.

John (for secrecy sake I won't tell you that his real name is Doug) is a vet with a plate in his head, the 30.06, a Mac 10 and a large stable of handguns. He is drunk, suicidal, very well armed and not too enamored of badge wearers.

The negotiators talked to him over the phone, I yelled to him from my dumpster cover and after a couple hours he decided not to commit suicide by cop (unbeknowst to him BamBam had his Leupold crosshairs on him for most of the callout) and he crawled out the front door. He crawled because he was that drunk and because he has back issues. They have the word pathetic available for the Doug's of the world. He was born in 1951 (I was born in 55) and to think I only have 4 years until I get like that. Man, it's a pretty rapid drop once you turn 50.

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06-10-2005, 02:30 PM	#121
Larry Lindenman Affiliate Profile: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Chicago Illinois Posts: 2,769	I was working a threat to the governer case in a small town. Picked up the drunk A$$h#$% with my team and brought him to the local PD. Got a written confession and felony approval, everything WAS going great. Moved the guy from the interview room to the "booking room" . Had a bare bench, observation window, thick steel locking door, locals said it was secure (you know where this is going). I assign the new guy to watch him. New guy decides he wants to ask me a question so he re-assigns watcher duty to a guy who's calling his wife. Guy who's calling his wife runs into the back room and asks "where does the back door in the booking room lead to?" Well it led to a indoor shooting range...and another door in the shooting range lead to freedom. I now have a 55 year old, handcuffed behind his back, threat to the Governer dude running around this small town, at night! We run around and can't find him. Call it out on the radio (wincing), get the dogs. Dog leads a team through the town, spooks an old guy who pulls a gun from his car trunk and shoots his car by accident, dog comes 4" from biting the guys gonads off. Search continues, dogs jumping fences, running through streams, gets excited and lunges at the police chief's groin, and nicks his balls (at least his aim is consistant)...chief is screaming and hopping around holding onto his bleeding assets. Cops start to wonder how a 55 YO handcuffed dude is completing an orienteering course, jumping fences and running hither and yon, inthe dark. I interview the wife and she tells me she's suprised he threatened the governer because he likes him...the only people he's ever threatened is her, the kids, and himself. She then looks at me and asks if we checked under the bridges, cause he may have jumped! (my career and freedom flashes through my head and I see a picture in my head of this guy half submerged in mud and water, hands behind his back, with handcuffs, with the initials "LL" scratched in them). As the sun is rising a rumpled looking, cold, dumb ***, with hands handcuffed behind his back walks down the middle of Main street. Needless to say, about 10 cops come running out of the station and start screaming at him, well first they tackled him, then mounted him, than started screaming, media prevented a tune-up. He looks at them and says "what!" Got charged with threat to a public official and escape, got sentenced to 5 years...I got a case opened on me and a letter of repremand (my team, my fault). Memories.

06-10-2005, 03:28 PM	#122
Peter Galloway Departed Profile: Join Date: Jan 1970 Posts: 451	"At least his aim is consistent" Great line!

06-13-2005, 04:53 AM	#123
Don Woodson Member Profile: Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Grafton Illinois Posts: 318	Funny story Larry! In retrospect of course. At least he was cuffed. If that small town is anything like Grafton, most folks still leave their keys in their cars. "What!"....I love it.

06-13-2005, 08:55 AM	#124
Graham Tidey Member Profile: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Lisbon Alameda Posts: 393	Well played larry!

06-13-2005, 01:35 PM	#125
Dan Silver Departed Profile: Join Date: Jan 1970 Posts: 533	I've had one handcuffed prisoner run from me, ever. The moment of shock exchanged between partners, as the suspect makes for freedom, is the biggest hindrance to apprehension. Luckily, it's pretty easy after you catch them. -D.

06-13-2005, 02:43 PM	#126
Ron Nelson Banned Profile: Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Anaheim CA Posts: 1,199	". . .Media prevented the tune-up." In So Cal, that's the opportunity for a close up! . . .it's fun to stay at the Y. . . .

06-14-2005, 11:12 AM	#127
Larry Lindenman Affiliate Profile: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Chicago Illinois Posts: 2,769	If we were in So Cal, we would have surrounded him and opened fire, friendly fire shmendly fire. I bet we'd have hit him at least once or twice. But, sadly, we were in Illinois.

06-14-2005, 11:22 AM	#128
Daniel Overvoll Member Profile: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: St. Simons Island GA Posts: 184	NY cops like to party but, Cali cops go clubbing...

06-14-2005, 11:30 AM	#129
bill fox Departed Profile: Join Date: Jan 1970 Posts: 587	At todays sentencing the defendants girlfriend spoke on his behalf " We have 3 childrens between 3 and 9 years old and we're getting ready to get married" Nice

06-14-2005, 10:06 PM	#130
Eugene R. Allen Affiliate Profile: Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Tacoma Washington Posts: 1,715	I worked for the Riverside, California Sheriff's Department for a couple years before I came up here to Washington. Down there you were stuck in the jail for a couple years before you went out to the road. I collected jail kites that said the most astounding things in the most illiterate ways you can imagine. Here are a few paraphrased from memory: "Bofe my feets be hurtin. Spedily my leff foots." "I hab smotchit crits." (Stomach cramps). "I need a box to put my thinks in." "I know you don be workin out Allen as po as you is." Sometimes though the schmuck brings to mind a slight sense of sorrow at his condition. We had a SWAT callout tonight...I'm still in my nomex duds as I write what I promise myself is my last post for the night. Vietnam vet in a trailer park has been cranking off rounds from his trailer for the last three days with a 30.06. He calls a cable company of all people to tell his woes and lets them know he wants to kill himself, that he has slashed his wrists and that he will kill any cop he sees come to his place. Welfare check. (That call and runaway pickup always make me chuckle). Anyway, the guys that show up are just about to his place when he cranks off a round from a handgun. They withdraw, more units show up for containment and the team gets called out. John (for secrecy sake I won't tell you that his real name is Doug) is a vet with a plate in his head, the 30.06, a Mac 10 and a large stable of handguns. He is drunk, suicidal, very well armed and not too enamored of badge wearers. The negotiators talked to him over the phone, I yelled to him from my dumpster cover and after a couple hours he decided not to commit suicide by cop (unbeknowst to him BamBam had his Leupold crosshairs on him for most of the callout) and he crawled out the front door. He crawled because he was that drunk and because he has back issues. They have the word pathetic available for the Doug's of the world. He was born in 1951 (I was born in 55) and to think I only have 4 years until I get like that. Man, it's a pretty rapid drop once you turn 50.