|04-03-2006, 09:50 PM||#1|
FROM THE LAW OFFICES OF WEE, FUCCUM & HOWE
Michael Latch & Crossfit Enterprises
Our services have been retained by one Gary Mikutis concerning personal pain and suffering caused by last Sunday's "workout". Exactly which muscle was supposed to be isolated by such a heinous and all encompassing misuse of gym equipment? The intense pain and soreness affecting the entirety of Mr. Mikutis' body will require extensive and very specific physical therapy, the cost of which is the subject of this suit. These medical needs include:
1.-- No less than two (2) deep tissue massage certified Strippers, (FEMALE, you bastards) be sent to the enclosed work address on three consecutive days of this work week, for no less than 4 hours a day, between the hours of 1500-2400.
2.-- On each day the aforementioned strippers shall be in possession of no less than one (1) fifth of fine Kentucky Bourbon, of Jim Beam Black Label or Makers' Mark brand.
3.-- Mr. Mikutis' wardrobe, damaged due to unchecked growth of his posterior drive chain, caused by abnormal hormonal response as a result of your egregious use of functional, multi-joint movements, be replaced.
If the above conditions are not met and paid for by Mr. Latch and/or Crossfit, we intend to file criminal charges. Sincerely,
Wee, Fuccum & Howe, Attorneys at Law.
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