CrossFit Discussion Board  

Go Back   CrossFit Discussion Board > CrossFit Forum > Fitness
CrossFit Home Forum Site Rules CrossFit FAQ Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Fitness Theory and Practice. CrossFit's rationale & foundations. Who is fit? What is fitness?

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-21-2008, 05:39 PM   #71
Veronica Davis
Member Veronica Davis is offline
 
Veronica Davis's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Washington  DC
Posts: 2,704
Re: girlfriend help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Kane View Post
Not sure if anyone is still reading this thread, but I am living this now. My girlfriend of 3 (going on 4) years has put on a little since we started dating. At one point she shared my mindset of eating well and going to the gym (about 1.5 years ago) At that time I was never more attracted to her, she was happier, healthier, and we never had more in common. Somewhere along the lines she "didn't have the money" for her gym membership, so she canceled it. She "didn't have the money" to eat well, so she didn't. Well all her hard work has all gone to waste because she has managed to undo all that she had done. We had a heart to heart a bit today, but I mostly listened. She is afraid that I might "find someone better" because I take fitness and nutrition very seriously and she doesn't. She constantly says that she worries about this and complains about her situation, but does nothing to try it. My last hope is this Sunday I am taking her to a local Crossfit workout to watch. I can hope that seeing fit, healthy people in action will light a fire under her. My biggest fear is multiplying her weight gain over the many years that I plan on being with her. I know I sound vain and shallow, but deep deep down all relationships are based on physical attraction.
Hey Sean... I don't know the full details of your situation, but my sense is that something else is going on unrelated to training. Maybe try talking and listening to her to see if there's something else going on.
__________________
"I'm training for World Domination" - Karin Kellerman
http://www.veronicao.com ,My Crossfit Log , Crossfit Force Majeure (wfs)
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2008, 07:20 PM   #72
Jill Zimmerman
Departed Jill Zimmerman is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Jan 1970
 
Posts: 646
Re: girlfriend help

Small hijack on the topic - long post though sorry. Thought you all might find the flip side interesting. Bad eating and non exercising possibly resulting in poor health and being overweight is more than just an issue of attraction.
Boyfriend of 6 years, 14 years my junior, drank soda and ate candy like a fiend (whole family is diabetic) ate crap or not at all. His biceps were smaller than mine but oddly strong from doing carpentry his entire life. Couldn't even take a walk let alone run. I cut him loose. One look at his blind overweight unable to walk diabetic mother who is maybe 60 - not how I want to spend my later years taking care of him should he turn into her. Hey I am the old one.
Last squeeze of a year (also very young) is a powerlifter but the seriously chunky kind. Anyway watching him got me off my *** and back into running and into the gym and riding bicycles and most of all lifting. I am totally indebted to him. But I did none of it with him nor was I asked to do it by him. He never eats a vegetable says his handfuls of supplements make up for that - gross. He too drinks soda. Has chicken and tuna vanilla protein shakes - good God even grosser. He also could not run if his life depended on it. He is 5'6" 240, big guy I worry about his heart, cholesterol etc. He takes a bunch of medication. I, 16 years his senior take none. But at least he works out, but little cardio. He poopoos Crossfit for the most part says air squats are stupid anything speedy is stupid etc. Only thing we agreed upon is SS is cool - small favors. He moved so I am on the loose again.
I found Crossfit by accident. I can "see" clear as day that this is my ticket to not being a burden to my kids. My parents died youngish, ex's died at 58 and his little brother dropped dead (massive heart attack) from smoking drinking and eating crap at 42. Can my boys rise above that gene pool influence? Hope so. And none of that will be happening to me! My sister says I look ill and am too skinny, and she poopoos all of this working out too. Forget it, I am fine - perfect blood pressure and my cholesterol is the BEST my doc has ever seen. I used to weigh 30 pounds less I just have more muscle now. I think that is just because she is so much heavier and although 11 years younger, is physically inactive and takes a lot of medication too.
For the guy who said he is not settling I am a hundred percent with you buddy. I am looking for someone to date and if physical fitness is not a high priority in their life I am not bothering. So many guys answer my adds and say they are fit, workout etc. That turns out to be a monthly game of tennis - guess again. I think I will be alone for quite a while but I have my pit bull and the garage(basement) gym to keep me busy, haha. Any Crossfitters moving to Charlottesville preferably my age - 40s you let me know.
You young guys with the sedentary gfs think about how they will be 10/20 years from now if you stay together. Food for thought.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2008, 09:17 PM   #73
Sean Kane
Member Sean Kane is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Alabaster  AL
Posts: 204
Re: girlfriend help

Turns out she doesn't "feel up" to going with me to the Crossfit meet tomorrow. Ah well, I will go anyways. Thinking about taking a camera and taking pictures of all the fit, healthy, happy people working their keesters off.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-21-2008, 09:56 PM   #74
Derek Maffett
Member Derek Maffett is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Castle Rock  WA
Posts: 3,544
Re: girlfriend help

If she doesn't want to go to the meet, I somewhat doubt she wants to look at pictures.

I'm slowly coming to the realization that I can't force people to train. There's a level of self-motivation that has to be there, and I can't give that if the individual isn't up to it. It's sad, of course, that I may not be able to get my friends and family interested in what I love, but that's just the way the ball bounces.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2008, 05:20 AM   #75
Jill Zimmerman
Departed Jill Zimmerman is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Jan 1970
 
Posts: 646
Re: girlfriend help

Back on immediate topic. Old boyfriend now best friend just showed up with Dr. Pepper in hand - breakfast of champions hahaha. He put 40 pounds on me while we were together all we did was eat. He likes his women chunky. It was up to me to get it back off despite his bad influence. It is gone now.
I would agree with Veronica that there are other issues going on in your gf's head. My Dad used to joke that we ate because we were happy, sad, proud, depressed whatever stick something in your mouth. He basically ate himself to death - sad. My sister and I have always had bouts with depression. Since I have started exercising, I am totally fine. Happy for the most part. In my twenties I taught aerobics, and ran and lifted a tiny bit. Then I was a slug except for dogwalking and kayaking for the next 20 years. If she is depressed exercise is even better than anti-depressants. I firmly believe if you can get her going the happier she will be and she may take off on her own like I did.
What did it for me was - watching the powerlifter. He shamed me (he said nothing I told myself this) into feeling like a lump AND the other thing that got me going was the women's four miler training here. They start out slooooow and build up to a four mile race end of the summer. It changes many many women's lives every year not to mention raising money for breast cancer research. In my twenties running 6 miles was effortless - not so now. I am doing the training again this year trying to incorporate pose in there because I am painfully slow. My sister made fun of me and says she can walk faster than I run, but at least I am doing it. The next step was that I took over my firefighter daughter's good deal gym membership at a globogym when she moved away. I have been going religiously ever since but I am petrifed to go out into the free weight area, so I bought my own stuff. Crazy yes but whatever, it works for me. I could not tell you why I am afraid. Ok, so I am a fairly agressive person and am intimidated by normal everyday gym stuff. Oh my god what would looking at Crossfitters in action do to a possibly never really been fit person. Like asking her to climb Mount Everest? I show people the videos and honestly they think it is the craziest stuff they have ever seen. A bike riding buddy who runs and goes to the gym said no way is he doing this stuff it is a "fad". It is hard for people to watch and appreciate how cool it is when they are uninitiated.
I will copy and send you four miler training package if you want to start somewhere. I would recommend doing scaled workouts off the crosfit kids site with her. Don't tell her it's for 12 year olds or in my case 8 year olds. Hate to admit it but I am pretty much of a buttercup on some things. I would not let her see the real deal. It still scares me. 7 rounds of that impossible stuff and I can't even do one round etc. It is just too intimidating.
I would kill to have someone do this with me. The gf is lucky you are fit and eat well. Cook for her or at least invite her to eat with you. Start out small non intimidating stuff and help her move up. Find a meal she likes that is zone friendly and get her to eat it often. My new favorite is a whole zucchini sliced in the bottom of a steamer with a piece of frozen tilapia on top steam and eat easy and so good. Takes no time at all.
Hope you have better luck than I have had with influencing other people. I am working on my daughter now. I am worried because she has gotten kind of heavy. Made her run every day I was visiting. Bought her a kayack for her birthday. I am trying to get her to get some Crossift equipment for her new firehouse and do this too.
I wish you luck with the gf and me with my daughter. Daughters are forever can't just give up and get a new one, hahhaha.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2008, 06:15 AM   #76
Michael D. Perkins
Affiliate Michael D. Perkins is offline
 
Michael D. Perkins's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Clarksville  TN
Posts: 74
Re: girlfriend help

Sean,

No offense to anyone, but drop her like a bad habit. You can't change people. They can only change themselves. Also take a look at her mother/family like in the previous post, that's what she will turn into when she is 40-60 y/o (most likely). There are other fish in the sea brother and if I was gonna do it again, I'd start looking at a CrossFit gym and find one of those bada$$ chicks. Just my $0.02.
__________________
42/M/75"/230lb | DL: 375 | 21k run in VFFs 2:16:54 | Fran: 9:22 | www.crazywifecrossfit.com (w/fs)
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2008, 06:21 AM   #77
Brian Bedell
Member Brian Bedell is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Lantana  FL
Posts: 2,870
Re: girlfriend help

I don't totally agree that "deep down all relationships are based on physical attaction," but I do believe that couples should maintain their health and appearance for themselves, and then each other. Good luck their man, you have an uphill battle I suppose. I think CF might be too much of a shock for the avg. girl. I would try and do more activities with her; walk, bike, paddle, skate, etc. She needs baby steps. And if it don't work, you'll have to weigh the pros and cons and decide if you want to stay in a relationship with an inactive heavy chick.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2008, 11:05 AM   #78
Sam Ser
Member Sam Ser is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Jerusalem  Israel
Posts: 1,137
Re: girlfriend help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elliot Fuller View Post
All are good suggestions so far.

1.) This has been asked before, and there are pages and pages of useful replies from the previous threads that you can cater to your own situation.

2.) If she's more concerned with her weight than her fitness, then all she needs to do is adjust her diet. Most overweight women (and men), unless they have a serious, legitimate desire to weigh less and be healthier overall, will shun the Zone, as it "requires too much work in measuring and planning." They are the people who have been sucked in by the propaganda machine which has dictated through TV infomercials that weight loss can be achieved easily, without effort, and even through 1 pill a day.

They are delirious and will never lose their weight until they realize that in order to do so healthily, it will require commitment on their part. Your girlfriend needs to not just want to look healthy, but to BE healthy. There are tons of ways to lose all of her weight (including starvation and annorexia), but none quite so healthy as a seriously researched, supported, and effective diet such as the Zone. She needs to get over the idea of being "on a diet." She needs to change the way she eats, period. For the rest of her life. Zone is not a fad diet. It's not meant to drop weight quickly in time for summer bikini season. It's meant for people who are interested in changing themselves forever.

If your girlfriend's primary goal is weight loss, then she needs to treat it like any other primary goal, and WORK for it. If her primary goal is Graduate School, she will not buy a pill off of the TV and take 1 a day for 30 days, and suddenly have her Master's.

If she cannot commit herself to a healthier lifestyle, which includes a healthy "diet" such as Zone, then she is cheating herself by pretending there is hope on the horizon. Bottom line is, she needs to work to achieve her goals. If her goal involves measuring her food strictly for a few weeks to achieve her end result, then she needs to accept it and put the work towards achieving it.

That will solve the diet crisis and the weight crisis. Do Zone with her and it will make things all the better. Doing anything as challenging as completely altering one's lifestyle/eating habits is always a lot easier with someone doing it with you in a role of mutual support.

2.) If she wants to be healthier and not just thinner (although thinner certainly is healthier than fatter), then she'll need to include an effective exercise regimen. CrossFit is great. But there are other ways for someone in her situation to get into the swing of things. CrossFit isn't for everyone right off the bat.

Take the offers regarding the affiliate visits. Show her other people have done it. Show her that SKINNY is not always the same as HEALTHY. Get her into a supportive environment like at an affiliate. She can do SimpleFit workouts at an affiliate just as easily as she can do CrossFit WODs, and SimpleFit ones don't look quite as daunting to the beginner, but they are an EXCELLENT entryway into the world of CrossFit, and even doing SimpleFit, she's going to be leaps and bounds ahead of where she is now.

3.) The bottom line is that if she wants to change herself, she needs to reverse the effects of her lifestyle over the last however-many years. This is not a change that comes overnight, despite what the TV and fashion magazines will tell her. She needs to change the way she lives and eats for the rest of her life if she wants to get healthy and stay healthy. It's really very simple.

If she wants to lose weight, change her diet. If she wants to lose weight faster, add exercise. If she wants to lose weight fast, and get more fit, add CrossFit.

As long as she's open to the idea of working towards HER goals (not YOUR goals; she needs to want this change for herself, and not for you, and not for people at the beach) then she's already off to a great start. Don't pressure her into doing it, but encourage her once she shows interest, and offer support when she asks.

Big changes like this can only come from within her, so there's really nothing you can do as far as "getting her to try CrossFit" goes other than lead by example.

I'll save any more rambling, since I'm sure it's all been said in the other threads already and I'm late for work

brilliant post.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2008, 11:53 AM   #79
Eddie Blanco
Member Eddie Blanco is offline
 
Eddie Blanco's Avatar
 
Profile:
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: McKinney  TX
Posts: 32
Re: girlfriend help

I just got my wife to start working out....I look at xfit kids and make up some workouts that are 10-20 mins long and that she can do at home (have a homemade gym).....this really helps because she works 40 hrs, goes to school and we have a 7 month old baby. I think this is going well and hopefully she will get a bit more into it.

her workouts consist of weightless exercises and thrusters, sumo DLs, box jumps, jumping pullups. I think its a good way to start

OH, and she really HATES when I am around to watch her workout. She calls me her SERGEANT.....LOL
__________________
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God" (Matthew 5:9)

Last edited by Eddie Blanco; 06-22-2008 at 11:53 AM.. Reason: ....
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-22-2008, 12:13 PM   #80
Jon Davine
Member Jon Davine is offline
 
Profile:
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Northampton  Ma
Posts: 9
Re: girlfriend help

Sean,

My gf was similar to yours in that she constantly worried. She worked out at a globo gymn with minimal results and then she saw how psyched I was when I came home from crossfit. I talked her in to trying a class and now she's hooked. She's seen fantastic results too!! I suggest taking your girlfriend to workout, not to watch. She can get a better feel for it if she participates. My gf couldn't even do a squat and now she's a crossfit animal. Good luck!!
__________________
www.pioneervalleycrossfit.com
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My girlfriend has Rhabdo Christian Mason Injuries 7 04-20-2008 04:50 PM
Brian C girlfriend dip log Brian Cornwell Workout Logs 3 01-28-2008 08:13 PM
Got my girlfriend to start crossfit! Don Stevenson Starting 1 03-26-2005 03:03 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:58 AM.


CrossFit is a registered trademark of CrossFit Inc.