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Old 12-23-2011, 06:34 PM   #21
Mark E. Wallace
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Re: I need some help

Site rules (wfs) include:
  • NO POLITICS, RELIGION, OR SEXUALITY! That includes no political or religious statements, agendas, or references in your signature

- Mark
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Old 12-23-2011, 09:12 PM   #22
Michael Dries
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Re: I need some help

I love Andrew's post. That's straight up 1950s thinking. good stuff!


Back to reality. When most people say "Iwant to loose weight" they are looking for someone to say "why? You're fine the way you are." I tihnk it's a load of crap but that's the way it is.


If nothing else works there's always divorce.
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Old 12-23-2011, 10:31 PM   #23
Andrew N. Casey
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Re: I need some help

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Originally Posted by Mark E. Wallace View Post
Site rules (wfs) include:
  • NO POLITICS, RELIGION, OR SEXUALITY! That includes no political or religious statements, agendas, or references in your signature

- Mark
thanks for pointing that out. i did not realize this included references in our signature line. i appreciate you helping me to be aware of my oversight. i have fixed it as to be in compliance with the rules.


as to everyone else - i am not here to discuss nor defend my views. i did in this thread what i do in all threads, which is the same thing i assume everyone does. offer what they believe to be the best possible advice they know of to the OP. then the OP is free to take none, part, or all of any advice from anyone. that is the way internet forums work. that is the way i will continue to operate. offerening advice which is free, meaning you can take it or leave it. it doesn't cost a thing and i won't have my feelings hurt either way.

i will say that many of the assumptions that have been made about me are incorrect. and shocking as it may be to some of you: 1) i am happily married, and 2) i have practiced marriage counseling and conducted retreats in a professional capacity with great success. and i have done even more with even greater success in a non-professional capacity. i have also read the vast majority of marriage and relationship books that have come out in the last 15 to 20 years, both secular and religious. i am aware of different views and approaches.

sometimes in a marriage one spouse or the other simply must put their foot down and lay down the law. it is perfectly acceptable for a person to make an activity outside of the boundaries of acceptable in their home. especially when that activity (like smoking) is not up for debate in terms of whether it is harmful and destructive.

if anyone would like to further comment or discuss feel free to PM me. otherwise i suggest we let this thread get back on track to helping the OP. and we move onward and upward.

respectfully, andrew

Last edited by Andrew N. Casey : 12-23-2011 at 10:34 PM.
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Old 12-23-2011, 10:41 PM   #24
Mark E. Wallace
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Re: I need some help

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Originally Posted by Andrew N. Casey View Post
thanks for pointing that out. i did not realize this included references in our signature line. i appreciate you helping me to be aware of my oversight. i have fixed it as to be in compliance with the rules.
Truth be told, I didn't even notice your sig. I posted the reminder because of Luke's messages. If he posts another message that takes even a slightly religious slant, I'm reporting it as a violation.

- Mark
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Old 12-23-2011, 11:31 PM   #25
Katherine Derbyshire
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Re: I need some help

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Originally Posted by Andrew N. Casey View Post
sometimes in a marriage one spouse or the other simply must put their foot down and lay down the law. it is perfectly acceptable for a person to make an activity outside of the boundaries of acceptable in their home. especially when that activity (like smoking) is not up for debate in terms of whether it is harmful and destructive.
I actually agree with this. I just hope that you make sure your clients understand that taking such a stand can easily lead to the end of the relationship. It's not a step to be taken lightly, and for that reason I'm not sure I'd suggest it without more information than a single forum post.

Katherine
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Old 12-24-2011, 12:16 AM   #26
Sean Rhind
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Re: I need some help

I recently (4 weeks ago) had a frank and honest discussion with my Wife. She had been complaining about being overweight, unattractive etc. I told her how I felt (won't go into it here) and even though it was the most difficult conversation of our 5 years of marriage, the end result was she has hired a personal trainer, goes to the gym 6 times a week, has motivation and feels terrific. Best advice is to lay everything on the table, no matter the turnout you will have done the best that you can. So far she has lost 30 pounds and numerous dress sizes, which has made m christmas shopping absolete as she doesn't want cloths since she is changing sizes so rapidly I am not complaining

Last edited by Sean Rhind : 12-24-2011 at 12:19 AM.
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Old 12-24-2011, 08:23 AM   #27
Zane Jones
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Re: I need some help

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Originally Posted by Mark E. Wallace View Post
Truth be told, I didn't even notice your sig. I posted the reminder because of Luke's messages. If he posts another message that takes even a slightly religious slant, I'm reporting it as a violation.

- Mark
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Old 12-25-2011, 12:54 PM   #28
Renata Speranza
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Re: I need some help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean Rhind View Post
I recently (4 weeks ago) had a frank and honest discussion with my Wife. She had been complaining about being overweight, unattractive etc. I told her how I felt (won't go into it here) and even though it was the most difficult conversation of our 5 years of marriage, the end result was she has hired a personal trainer, goes to the gym 6 times a week, has motivation and feels terrific. Best advice is to lay everything on the table, no matter the turnout you will have done the best that you can. So far she has lost 30 pounds and numerous dress sizes, which has made m christmas shopping absolete as she doesn't want cloths since she is changing sizes so rapidly I am not complaining
Sean, I am happy, it worked out so well with you and your wife.

A friend of mine is married and she's really overweight and has big health issues. I don't know for how many years now she's complaining about her situation, but she doesn't obviously want to change it. Her husband would help her, but she doesn't want his help. Then she says, that he's pushing her. If he doesn't help, he's an egoist! So, what does she want? Maybe 2 months ago I wrote her an e-mail saying to stop whining around, if she doesn't want to change the situation anyway... hoping that she'd get my wake up call (or end the friendship...) ....she said thanks. The situation is still the same. I told her, that I am going to do the level 1 cert next year and that she won't have any excuses next year.... I am sure, I'll never hear from her again.... so obviously, she's not ready yet to get healthy or to lose weight.. sad enough, but true!!! So in the end it's her decision...as Luke said... she has to find her desire within.... I'll be here, if she needs my help, but I will not push her to anything she doesen't want to...

cheers
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:25 AM   #29
Jason Wallis
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Re: I need some help

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Originally Posted by Mark E. Wallace View Post
Truth be told, I didn't even notice your sig. I posted the reminder because of Luke's messages. If he posts another message that takes even a slightly religious slant, I'm reporting it as a violation.

- Mark
In this case, perhaps we should begin report any and all posts that could be intererpreted as an attack on another member, even in jest. And, anything that has even the slightest hint of sexual innuendo should also be reported. I thought we were all big boys and girls here...
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:36 AM   #30
Mark E. Wallace
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Re: I need some help

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In this case, perhaps we should begin report any and all posts that could be intererpreted as an attack on another member, even in jest. And, anything that has even the slightest hint of sexual innuendo should also be reported.
If you feel that's necessary (as I do with the messages dealing with religion), then go for it. Messages dealing with religion make me uncomfortable, and I agree with the site rule that disallows them.

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I thought we were all big boys and girls here...
Big boys and girls should be able to abide by the rules.

- Mark
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