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Old 04-03-2006, 10:24 AM   #7
Joseph Hart
Member Joseph Hart is offline
 
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lino Lakes  MN
Posts: 282
Phil,

I am in a similar situation. I resigned from my job in October of 05. My father is in the middle stages of Alzhiemers. I just turned 37. The job had caused tons of stress on me, my family and especially my wife. I felt that she was not supporting me. I was an angry a-hole and short with my kids (2 and 4 years). They were just being kids and I wanted them to be something else. After I quit things were better, but not much. I was still an a-hole and things started to be bad. I was seriously worried that I would be divorced if things did not get better. I felt horrible about the way that I acted towards my kids. I was also worried about depression. We gutted out the Holiday job hunting doldrums. I talked to a doc about depression and that did not seem to be the problem. I only drank occasionally, because I was the one that took care of the kids most of the time. I think if it wasn’t for my children I would have hit the bottle. I also noticed that when I blew up at my wife or kids I would be ashamed and angry with myself afterwards. But, I would vent that shame and anger at them. Bad circle. I have found shame and guilt can make me act very stupidly (anger).
I went to career counselor and we talked. It was very helpful. I was taking the failure of my last job out on my loved ones. I was taking the failure (shame) as completely my own and not seeing that it takes two to tango. It seems obvious, but it wasn’t at the time. Prior to talking with a counselor my wife had talked and talked and talked, but it didn’t help. We were just too angry at each other. It helped a lot to be able to talk to adults other than my wife. I do CF and started the Zone diet. I was going through the motions but not really getting anything from it, at the time. I just couldn’t really keep my mind in it and as you know CF takes some focus.

So after that drama…

I have done A LOT of self investigation, praying, talking to adults and what not. I have found that talking to some one other than your spouse can be helpful (maybe that is why bartenders get an earful), I am also seeing a psychologist (I really want to fix this), the St. Francis prayer helped me (if that is good for you). I TRY to realize when I am ashamed of my actions and not take it out on my loved ones. I think now that I have my head screwed on a little straighter (not all the way, yet) I have improved my relationship with my wife, kids, and the weights. So much so that people have commented on it. That tells you how much of an out of shape jerk I was.

Post on the board. Everyone here is very helpful and supportive. I see you live in Paris so a phone call could be spendy. Email me if you want just chat or ask questions.

Good luck and hang in there.

Later,

Joe
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