Phil, when your in good shape all things become easier. I used crossfit to rehab myself when in similar situations. Hard to think about bad things when storming through WODs. Your not having a mid life crisis...I usually associate that with weak people, guys who want to relive the glory years by using the money they now have to buy the trappings of youth. I'm 43 and people always tell me I look younger...it's not because I wear a Rolex, dumped my family for a 20 something, wear low rise jeans with my underwear hanging out, and drive a Porsche (well sometimes my underwear does hang out...but it's an accident) it's because most guys in their 40s - 50s give up on fitness. Live this lifestyle, it cures many ills.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
This may help in some small way to understand that while your situation is entirely unique,
you are not alone in your struggles to maintain
an even keel in your life. I've been through two
such 'troughs' in my life, and I found some meaning from this poem in both instances.
Adapt and overcome.
Oh, and the booze has NEVER helped me, only hurt.
The last thing you need when you want
a sharp, clear (able to adapt) mind is a mind-altering depressant. Alcohol in moderation enhances celebration, that's about all it's good for.
You're just undergoing stress. Stress is a form of pain, and is not different from exercise in that it can help you if framed properly. Your body is smart enough to recover from exercise cycles, but what happens with your mind is you change your opinion about things. There is no emotional pain from which you cannot recover, provided you don't lose hope.
Imagine if your body, after Dianne, said: "That's it; it's all over. I'm not even going to try and recover. I'm going to ramp everything down, lower the metabolic rate, and permanently alter my chemistry for the worse."
It doesn't, does it? It says: "I'll be damned if I'll let that happen again without being prepared. I'm going to become stronger and make no apologies about it."
The beauty of suffering is it creates the perception of the need for movement. Absent random bricks hitting us in the forehead, we get stuck in patterns of feeling and behavior that tend to persist without qualitative change, for the duration of our lives. It is difficult or impossible to learn qualitatively new things in that condition.
You have trouble. You also have an opportunity. Me personally, I drink more than I can justify for health reasons, but I can also go places emotionally few people can, and I always come back with diamonds and pearls.
I have found writing poetry to be very therapeutic for me. I would encourage you to take this time to create something new. Build something. Express yourself.
Got the news this morning that my beloved uncle died after a very brief fight with cancer. After spending the afternoon with Mom & Dad I stopped at the gym and did Fran. Made a world of difference. We're pullin' for ya Phil.
Stress sucks. Life can suck. I won't go into the "what happened to me" litany, but life can suck hard.
I wallowed for a while. Nearly alienated a lot of people who cared for me.
Adapt or die says it best.
Since I started working out regularly, however, all things have changed.
It's when you don't feel like that date with Helen (my favority WOD) that you really have to.
Wishing you the best,
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