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-   -   Tell a joke or just laugh. (https://board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=78860)

Brad Allen Jones 11-20-2012 09:45 AM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight.

"I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?"

"Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes."

The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head.

"But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!"

"True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."

Phil Griffin 11-20-2012 11:53 AM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
You know why Santa Claus is always so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls are.

SP 11-20-2012 01:29 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
My new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible.

Blair Robert Lowe 11-20-2012 08:12 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
Wow, I really like that Santa Claus one.

Brad Allen Jones 11-20-2012 08:14 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
These are some of the worst jokes I've ever read haha, including my own.

Here are some JFWodFather.com, he's pretty funny.

If you proudly show off your skinned knees and don't care that it makes you look like a (expletive).....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you roll out of bed in the morning, realize that you can't walk, and it makes you happy.....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you show off the rips in your palms to people just to make them cringe.....you might be a CrossFitter
When the time you spend laying on the floor after the WOD takes longer than the WOD itself.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you get an urgent need to pee exactly ten seconds before the WOD starts.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you have ever had enough tape on your hands to hold a bad marriage together.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you have ever rolled around on a foam roller while saying "Who's your daddy?"....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you own five different tubs of protein powder and hate the taste of them all.....you might be a CrossFitter
When you can't fix a leaky faucet but you can tape two lacrosse balls together like a boss.....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you make your kids do "penalty burpees" for not cleaning their room.....you might be a CrossFitter
If you have ever screamed after using hand sanitizer.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you have ever texted someone a picture of the WOD times so they know you kicked their a$$.....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you don't know who your congressman is but you know Rich Froning's "Fran" time.....you might be a CrossFitter.
Once you puke more than a 16 yr old girl with bulimia.....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you can't say "Fran" without also saying "I hate that B****!"....you might be a CrossFitter.
If you refer to dating fat people as "RXing".....you might be a CrossFitter.
If when you have $ex you get excited that you finished first then bump knuckles and say "Good work!"....you might be a CrossFitter.
When you take a nap you refer to it a 3 rounds of pillow hugs for time...
You complain about prices at Target but will gladly pay $60 for a tank top at Lululemon...
If you've ever shouted "No Rep!" during $ex...you might be a CrossFitter.

Some are better than others, but they're all relevant and probably true...

David Meverden 11-20-2012 08:26 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
[QUOTE=Nik Nichols;1108699]One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.


(I was in the Navy)[/QUOTE]

I'm stealing this one! (I work with a bunch of navy guys).

I also like the Thesaurus one. :)

Milton Brisson 11-20-2012 08:45 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
[QUOTE=Nik Nichols;1108893]Right! In canada it would be moose. Makes me kind of glad to be in texas. We get deer, but not to much where I'm at.[/QUOTE]

I'll you what, when moose get on the road, you stop! Car vs. moose, even pick-up vs. moose. Moose wins that one! EVERY. TIME.

Milton Brisson 11-20-2012 08:46 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
[QUOTE=Brad Allen Jones;1108883]You threadjacked your own thread?! :eek:
Just kidding, awesome video!

Here's one, though:

So a moth walks into a podiatrist's office.

Podiatrist: Whatís the problem?

Moth: Whatís the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Linovich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc I donít even know what Iím doing anymore. I donít even know if Gregory Linovich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But, I donít know. I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and thereÖ

Podiatrist: Oh yeah?

Moth: Yes. At night I sometimes wake up, and I turn to some old lady in my bed thatís on my arm; a lady I once loved, doc. I donít know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexandria; she fell in the cold of last year. The cold took her down as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc, my other boy, Gregaro Ivinolitanovitch; I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes all I see is the same cowardice that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only the cowardice was stronger, then perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all. Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though Iím a moth, just barely hanging onto my web of everlasting fire underneath me. Iím not feeling good.

Podiatrist: Moth, man, youíre trouble. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?

Moth: ĎCuz the light was on.[/QUOTE]

Best shaggy dog story EVER!!!!!! Thanks for sharing!

Milton Brisson 11-20-2012 08:48 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
[QUOTE=Struan Potter;1108955]My new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible.[/QUOTE]

:rofl::highfive: Nice!!!!!

I hate being bi-polar! Its awesome!!!!

Blair Robert Lowe 11-20-2012 10:01 PM

Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.
 
None of those CF jokes are really funny...at all. Mildy but barely worth an honorable mention.

keep trying.


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