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-   -   The "Criminals Are Schmucks" Thread... (http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=17231)

Don Woodson 05-26-2005 04:18 AM

Must be something in the air? Moon phase?
Nuther one right down the road from me:
http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=14591364&BRD=1719&PAG=461&dept_id= 2527 1&rfi=6
Wierd thing is, this guy looks really familiar. Like I've met him before.

Dan Silver 05-26-2005 04:45 AM

Cost investigation, manpower, gas, office supplies, etc- $1500.00

Cost of jail housing, food, and utilities for each inmate (per day)- $200.00

Getting your picture on the front page of the paper for masterbating in front of a bunch of recently emigrated cleaning ladies-

Priceless.

-D.

Eugene R. Allen 05-26-2005 07:42 AM



For some reason I can't find the poem about all of our miscues and screwups at the callout I mentioned above. I'll keep looking. In the meantime, here's another one about a guy who was holding us at bay with a gun to his forehead and later inside his mouth. He was about 3 paces from me. Want to get into the moment, focus on the now? Kneel with a shouldered MP5 less than 10 feet from a guy who appears suicidal and is holding off an entire SWAT Team with a gun in his mouth. We were eyeball to eyeball because I was the most exposed guy...the other's had shields. He stopped at what we all later agreed was our line in the sand...one more step and everyone with a shot would have taken it. I went to kneeling to limit downrange issues with the shot I was certain I was going to have to take. I'll keep looking for that other one.

Don Woodson 05-26-2005 08:01 AM

Eugene, could it be the one on this thread?:
http://www.crossfit.com/discus/messa...html#POST35218

Graham Hayes 05-26-2005 08:01 AM

Cool poem! I don't know if SWAT guys get school visiting duties, but this would be miles better than "just say no!".:happy:

Jonathan Kessler 05-26-2005 08:05 AM

Eugene, you are one talented fellah.
A little twisted, maybe (and I say that with utmost respect AND appreciation), but talented...
The situation you describe reminds me of the scene in Blazing Saddles where Cleavon Little (the new sherrif) comes to town and the town turns on him because he's black - he responds by holding a gun to his own head, shouting "nobody move, or the n***'s dead!"
Guess truth IS stranger than Mel Brooks...
JK

Eugene R. Allen 05-26-2005 08:16 AM

Don - No, different poem. I have written a couple dozen, mostly about our SWAT adventures, and many to memorialize the names we give to team members. Some of our names were already in place before I started to write about them (Bigfoot, Zeus, Ninja, Schultz, Cupcake, Bam Bam) but others have their own story (Bonk, Redline, Thelma and Louise, Ghost, Black Knight, Jester, Thor, Thud and The Rock) and I have made poems that I read at the Christmas party when the nicknames are bestowed upon their owner and inked into their tattoo.

I'll keep looking for that other poem. If worse comes to worse I can scan it in or just rekey it into the computer because I have hard copies of all of them.

Don Woodson 05-26-2005 08:18 AM

A friend of mine (game warden), once told me a story about a guy in a bar outside Sullivan Missouri, that had a gun to his own head, and was holding him, a sheriff, and a couple deputies at bay. They were all trying to talk him out of killing himself, when suddenly another deputy burst into the bar with his sidearm drawn, and shouts, "FREEZE OR I'LL BLOW YOUR F-ING HEAD OFF!" to the guy that already had that in mind. My friend said the guy just busted out laughing, then started crying and finally dropped his weapon.

Mike Ryan 05-26-2005 08:56 AM

I have a friend who used to own a gun shop. It was kind of a fun place to hang out and form time to time I used to help him out. He was in the service for many years and then worked as a cop for a couple more before opening the store. One evening, the phone rings and it is someone from the local wal-mart about 5 miles away. They overheard a group of gentlemen talking about hitting the gun shop up the street and wanted to give us a heads up. As my friend hung up the phone, the car described in the call pulls in.

At the time, there were three of us in the store, the third guy was an off duty cop. The door opens and in walks four fine young gentlemen with heavy goose down jackets, hooded sweatshirts and pants hanging down below there asses. Two of them start browsing through the fishing supplies and the other two come to the counter. The talkative one starts asking about a holster for a Glock. My friend gets the holster and asks the guy for an ID. The guy says you need an ID to buy a holster? My friend says in this store you do. The guy pulls out his ID and proceeds to look over the holster. He asks a bunch of questions while the others continue shopping.

After about ten minutes, he agrees to buy the holster, a shoulder rig, but wants to get some extra magazine pouches because he needs a lot of bullets. My friend leans across the counter and says "I only need one" and pokes the guy in the forehead. Needless to say things were a bit tense. The guy moves to the register to pay and my friend rings him up then walks away from the register and leaves the drawer open, all but begging the guy to do something. I am behind the counter looking for the pistol that is usually there only to find it gone. I notice later that it is tucked into the back of my friend’s pants.

The guys are still milling around a little unsure if they really want to do what they came in to do. Having had enough, my friend grabs a pump action shotgun from the rack, loads four rounds and jacks one into the chamber. He tosses the gun to me and says "here, I don't want you to be the only one without a gun when the shooting starts." The four guys dropped everything and bolted out the door. They even left the shoulder rig they had paid for. My friend turns to me and the cop who was there and says that you just have to be more twisted than they are. Easy for him to say (check my shorts). Over the course of the 6 or 7 years he owned the shop, we had a handfull of these kind of events. Only got robbed once, a late night job. They threw a big rock through the window to get in. 10 years or so later, my friend still has the rock. Crazy business, glad he got out of it.


Dan Silver 05-26-2005 02:37 PM

Ninja, you're my hero.


I so want a cool nickname, like "Bender" or "Professor Farnsworth," or the like.

-D.



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