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-   -   The "Criminals Are Schmucks" Thread... (http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=17231)

bill fox 05-23-2005 09:17 AM

How about this from a proffer (the defendant coming in to tell me what really happened in hopes of getting a deal)In reference to the cops testimony about observing the defendant in a warehouse/crackhouse.

"I wasn't there, I aint' never been up in there, and no way could that cop see me in there from where he says he was at."

About 10 minutes later he came clean after I left the room and his frustrated attorney read him the riot act.

Ron Nelson 05-23-2005 10:41 AM

Bill can tell you, being a criminal defense attorney is a tough job even though he's on the other side of the bench.
I worked in the juvenile division of the PD's office before passing the bar. Almost all of our "clients" were innocent by their accounts. Only one thing prevented them from getting off; their mouth. As Shrek said, "you have the right to remain silent; unfortunately you lack the capacity!"

Barry Cooper 05-23-2005 11:16 AM

Ron White said that too.

"I didn't know how many of them it was going to take to whip my butt, but I knew how many they were going to use. . ."

Don Woodson 05-23-2005 11:50 AM

I just remembered a conversation I had a few years ago with a young lady in a bar. I'd never met her before, and I don't know why, but she decided to tell me of her woes.
She tells me how the police raided her home and found some dope. She said something about, "just because I have people coming and going all the time, is no reason for the neighbors to call the police".
I don't remember all of it, but she was really starting to get upset and found my shoulder a good one to cry on. She kept right on talking, incriminating herself with every word. I even got her to admit to me that she was indeed guilty of said charges. At the end of her ranting about her "injustice", I asked her, "So..., what makes you think I'm not a cop?"

I'm not of course, but you should've seen the look on her face. Priceless. She took off like a scalded dog.

bill fox 05-23-2005 12:16 PM

Ron

I was in the Juvi "special defense unit" (MEANING REALLY GUILTY OF REALLY BAD STUFF)at the PDs office before I switched sides, so I know.

Bill

Ron Nelson 05-23-2005 12:48 PM

Bill,
I knew you were alright!

Don,
You spend (or spent) a lot of time in bars!
Not that I haven't. . .

Dan Silver 05-23-2005 01:56 PM

Last year a carjacking/homicide happened in my old district. The two suspects shot another man in the head so they could take his new, dark colored Lexus. The call came out and my partner and I responded. As we got close we saw a dark colored Lexus run a red light at about fifty miles an hour, a block from the crime scene. My partner and I followed. The Lexus took off from us and got on the freeway. The chase was on.

We were going so fast that no other units from SF were able to catch us. The speedometer in our vehicles tops out at 120MPH. The speedo was all the way over for most of the chase. Still, we couldn't keep up with the Lexus. After crossing the Bay Bridge in, what seemed like, seconds we finally lost the Lexus in the Macarthur Maze (a mix of on-ramps, off-ramps, overpasses, etc. that is immediatley after the Bay Bridge).

Heartbroken at loosing the suspects in such an hideous crime and still pretty terrified by the hair-raising chase, we limped back to San Francisco. Half way back to our district we heard one of our units transmit that they had the carjacked vehicle, the murder weapon and both suspects in custody, three blocks from the crime scene. Apparently, during our chase, we even drove by them and they still didn't leave. I still can't figure this one out, it was an automatic and it had gas. Nice of them to wait though.

-D.

Michael Keller 05-23-2005 06:42 PM

My partner and I were chasing a doper through the projects and into the woods. I yelled at my partner to let the dog go. He gave it his best bark and growl. The guy surrendered. We didn't have a dog.:rofl:

A burglar broke into one of our local dive bars that was closed overnight. We found out the next morning when the employees opened up and his feet were dangling over the grill. He was stuck in the ventilation pipe that ran up to the roof.

I was working an alarm call at an Arby's. I discovered that someone had entered the restaurant through a roof vent (restaurant was closed). I noticed the guys ladder moving and he began climbing up to the roof. I let him get almost to the top and unleashed a faceful of pepper spray on him. He fell off the ladder and dove through the double doors into the dining room--into the mouth of the K-9.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now.

Brad Hirakawa 05-23-2005 08:07 PM

I'm not a cop. Better that way, because I think all the bad guys should die.

Regardless... a guy jumped over my fence, I'm guessing to see what was in my garage. I was. Just finished dry-fire practice with my Glock. He left.

Brad

Ted Williams 05-24-2005 06:42 AM

Serving a search warrant about 6 months ago...we had a couple to do on this day, for this case. Turns out our team leader for the site I was on had given away our entry gear (key and hulligan bar)...but he's a bigass dude, I mean BIG dude....

We stack at the door, he knocks and announces...covered windows at the front door, and one corner is lifted up with a pair of beedy eyes looking back at us. Then it disappears.

Our TL yells "He's running!" and starts BASHING down the door with is body. Takes him maybe 2 seconds to crack the door in half, then kick out the bottom of the door...we flow into the place. There are bedrooms to the right, and a family room to the left.

I just remember stopping for a fraction of a second because something was weird...then keep going to the left. Clear the dining room and kitchen, then I'm outside (out the back)...looking back at the house...and there's glass everywhere. I realize that the back window is broken...then I hear yelling and see 4 of our perimeter locals dealing with one of the guys on the ground.

Turns out Mr Smartypants saw our bigass guy at the door, decided to run...we knocked the door, the noise I heard was him running, jumping and doing the "Superman" out the back bedroom window (thankfully for him, they hadn't put in double pane glass yet like the rest of the house) and landing on a bike, lawn mower and back seat of a mini van. He then tried to get up and run, but was blocked by the barrel of the local's MP5....at which point he proceeded to **** his pants. Hilarious.



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