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Old 11-26-2012, 03:04 AM   #31
Pearse Shields
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

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Originally Posted by Josh Deets View Post


A man walks into a bar. The guy behind him ducks.
Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd figure one of them would have seen it coming.
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Old 11-26-2012, 11:37 AM   #32
Brad Allen Jones
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Heard this one on comedy central and had to share it, so I looked it up, its by Jamie Lissow.

Quote:
I like working out, but I can't stand the characters in the public gym. No matter what city I'm in, there's always the same people in there. There's always that one guy that's figured out the quickest way to look real big without actually training with weights is to squeeze his weird body into the smallest shirt he could possibly find. And you see him in there, and you're like, 'Damn, Bobby, you're looking huge! Wait a minute, what's that shirt say? Daddy's Little Princess?'
Typical Globo gym...
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Old 11-26-2012, 07:10 PM   #33
Jeff Enge
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

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Originally Posted by Pearse Shields View Post
Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd figure one of them would have seen it coming.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

"Damn!"

...That one goes better told verbally. Homophones...
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:46 AM   #34
Brad Allen Jones
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a ***** outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

I'll be here all night folks.
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Old 11-28-2012, 11:29 AM   #35
Nik Nichols
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
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Old 11-29-2012, 11:34 AM   #36
Brad Allen Jones
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink.
He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?"
But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it."
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son."
The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:50 PM   #37
Nik Nichols
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Nice one Brad.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:50 PM   #38
Nik Nichols
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks ''Why the long face?''
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Old 11-29-2012, 01:12 PM   #39
Joe C Thomas
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

A man walks into a bar with a zebra. Walks up to the bar and starts pounding shots of tequila. For every shot the man took, the zebra took 3. After about an hour the zebra passes out and sprawls out on the floor. The man stands up and starts walking towards the door.

The bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says, "Dude, it's a Zebra!"
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Old 11-29-2012, 01:38 PM   #40
Brad Allen Jones
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Re: Tell a joke or just laugh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nik Nichols View Post
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks ''Why the long face?''
Hahah the name of this thread should now be "bar jokes".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe C Thomas View Post
A man walks into a bar with a zebra. Walks up to the bar and starts pounding shots of tequila. For every shot the man took, the zebra took 3. After about an hour the zebra passes out and sprawls out on the floor. The man stands up and starts walking towards the door.

The bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says, "Dude, it's a Zebra!"
This one...wow!

An Irishman drinks at the pub until they close.

He stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time and falls again. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Outside, he tries to stand up and falls flat again. He gives up and crawls the four blocks to his house, crawls up the stairs and pulls himself into bed.

The next morning, his wife stands over him shouting, "So, you've been out boozing again!"

"What makes you say that?" he asks, putting on an innocent face.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

Last edited by Brad Allen Jones : 11-29-2012 at 01:41 PM.
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