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Old 10-23-2009, 02:40 PM   #1
David Meverden
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Chimp vs Lesner!

THIS WFS thread strayed into the question of whether or not a chimpanzee could beat a UFC fighter. I thought that was a fun topic so am bringing it over here (I figured Stuff and Nonsense fit the description more than the CrossPit area, haha).

In the red corner: 115 lb chimpanzees that for some reason want to fight to the death (I was going to say rabid, but that adds additional unwanted dimensions and probably a great advantage to the chimp).

This WFS slate article http://www.slate.com/id/2212232/ concludes that chimps are lb for lb stronger than humans, but because they weigh less they are probably not stronger than a large strong male human. Unless someone can find other convincing evidence we'll go with that assumption.

In the blue corner:
Fight 1: BJ Penn @ 170 lbs
Fight 2: Brock Lesner @ 265 lbs

Nothing banned (the chimp won't follow your RULES, man!) and no rounds. Fight to the death, incapacitation, or inability to continue fighting.

My thoughts:
I think the chimp would try to rush the fighters. It's small size, short stature, and unusual movement would make landing a shot tough before the chimp jumped on for biting and clawing. I also would guess that the chimp will be more resistant to blunt force trauma to the head due to a smaller brain case and probably a sturdier skull and jaw. As long as Lesner protected his face and throat I think his huge size would protect him enough from the relatively shallow bites to let him get a hold of the chimp. I think he could then strangle it or slam it into the ground and stun it enough to pound or stomp it. As for BJ, I'm not sure. I have a hard time imaginining him gaining contol of a raging chimp if it got on him.

My gut says that if they could somehow watch chimp fight footage and practice specifically for this then they could almost certainly win, though I haven't figured out what a good anti-chimp tactic would be (thoughts?).


So, who've you got your money on? A lot of people in the other thread were voting for the chimp (it does have large incisors).
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Old 10-23-2009, 02:52 PM   #2
Katherine Derbyshire
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

Assuming a wild, rather than captive-raised chimp, it gets extra points for prior predation experience. How many animals of any size has Lesnar killed with his bare hands?

OTOH, when chimps take on larger animals (baboons, leopards), they do it in groups. Group tactics are different than one-on-one.

Katherine

On edit: What's the counter tactic to poo-flinging?
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Old 10-23-2009, 04:18 PM   #3
Tony Black
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

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Originally Posted by Katherine Derbyshire View Post

On edit: What's the counter tactic to poo-flinging?

In Lesnars case probably grabbing a limb and beating the chimp on the floor.


Sorry even a well trained trunk monkey doesnt stand a chance against Lesnar. Size reach strength and dare i say close to equal ferocity. Cmon is Brock really gonna quit if a chimp bites his leg?

Lets call our hypothetical chimp Chuckles. Lets give him the "best" start in life - hes a large Alpha male in a wild pack. His pack is one of those predatory packs. You know the ones that go off and kill other smaller monkies and occasionaly chimps.


All very well saying "ahh but Chuckles will bite brock in the neck". But the monkie has to get there first! You know getting around his rather large arms and legs....

Maybe Chuckles has the speed - but take any of that away ie Brock grasps a limb or gets on top - Chuckles is toast.

Brock is of course gonna take some pretty nasty bites - maybe even life threatening ones - but it usually takes minutes while for blood loss to have an appreciable effect. And minutes in a cage with Brock is gonna be a longgg time.

Yea im bored


Penn is much more interesting. Even with his powerful strikes that monkey is fast and agile. Incisors nullify ALOT of BJJ.
Besides can you even leg lock a chimp?


Here im thinking the smart monies on Chuckles.



So whos gonna be contacting Dana White? If they do i want 10%.
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Last edited by Tony Black : 10-23-2009 at 04:25 PM.
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Old 10-23-2009, 08:45 PM   #4
Marcus Allen
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

Even IF Brock could catch Chuckles I don't think he could land any serious blows before he sufferred debilitating injuries.

Bear in mind this is a STRONG animal with 4 hands, claws and teeth as well as a significant speed advantage.
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Old 10-24-2009, 12:21 AM   #5
Matt Rexin
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

A few questions before I answer:

What type of clothing are the fighters wearing?
If clothing is allowed, can they use their belt as a weapon?

Regardless of the scenario, both fighters are going to get bit a number of times. So the winner, even if it is the fighters, will still be stuck in the hospital for some significant time after the fight.

Make a counter to the teeth(ie: body armour) and I think the human fighters win hands down.
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Old 10-24-2009, 02:53 AM   #6
Henrik Schou Pedersen
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Rexin View Post

Make a counter to the teeth(ie: body armour) and I think the human fighters win hands down.
But where does it stop with our accessories? If we have body armour, then the next step is weapons.

For the fight to be fair, both contestants should be naked. And then BJ and Lesnar would be focusing only on protecting their private parts. Monkey wins!
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Old 10-24-2009, 05:42 AM   #7
David Meverden
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Henrik Schou Pedersen View Post
But where does it stop with our accessories? If we have body armour, then the next step is weapons.

For the fight to be fair, both contestants should be naked. And then BJ and Lesnar would be focusing only on protecting their private parts. Monkey wins!
How about we give the fighters AND the chimp pants. That evens the playing field

As for equipment, this obviously cannot be allowed. I basically envisioned the fighters in tights mma shorts with nothing else (skip the gloves for this one). No belts, gi's, or anything else that could be used as a weapon.

BTW I must point out that monkeys and chimpanzees are not the same. Monkeys have tails and are more quadrupedal than chimps.
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Old 10-24-2009, 08:12 AM   #8
Remco Heerdink
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

I don't know these humans but a chimp will devour them.
They are far stronger then humans, they have more experience fighting in the wild, fighting against chimps is dramatically different then fighting other humans. These humans are conditioned to fight other humans, they will mess up big time against a chimp.

How do you deal with a wild chimp? It bites, it hits HARD, unusual size of body and limbs making locks very difficult, a chimp will literally fight to the death, you are dealing with 4 striking arms not 2, stronger bones/skull.

Evolution gave us brains and it costed us physical ability, don't underestimate that cost.



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Old 10-24-2009, 11:31 AM   #9
John Casey
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

I realize it's a gorilla and not a chimp, but I think these two videos illustrate things quite well:

muy thai vs. banana tree: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA0wXvyq-EM

gorilla vs banana tree: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4amRA0jl0qI

Both links WFS. I love the ease with which the gorilla goes about this.
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:39 AM   #10
John Casey
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Re: Chimp vs Lesner!

For the record, I don't care who the human is, he gets destroyed in this case. Brock Lesnar would probably not take a Doberman, let alone something that has human-like mobility, and superhuman strength.
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